Best and Worst Music of 2009

Gonna be honest. I fucking hate Pitchfork Media with a bloody passion. Aside from getting music news (which actually starts to suck ass at a certain point too), all we get are underwhelming and stupid album reviews and lists that have no significance. I mean really, those pricks are ready to blow all of those dudes in the Fiery Furnaces anytime, anywhere. Fuck that. So, I made my own list for what was good in 2009. Yeah, I realize the year is not over just yet, so if anything good comes up, I’ll slap it up here. So without further delay, the best and worst of 2009 according to me.

The Best

Daisy – Brand New
With in a few minutes of listening to this album, I already decided that it was great. The bass on the opening track is fucking raw and the guitar is crunchy as fuck. Great record. Like it a lot better than the other one.

Horehound – The Dead Weather
Never was a huge fan of the Kills, but this record shows how Jack White can take a walking disaster like Allison Mosshart and turn it into gold. The White Stripes evil twin indeed.

The Open Door EP – Death Cab For Cutie
Yes, I like Death Cab. Blow me. Ben Gibbard is fucking genius at times.

The West Rider Pauper Lunatic Asylum – Kasabian
Just a badass album all around. Tough lyrics and interesting guitar hooks. Plus, these dudes are good friends with Noel Gallagher of Oasis. That adds to their already outstanding credibility.

Jesus Says Relax – The Tits
Got this CD for free at Grimey’s earlier this year. Thought it was going to be a bit of a joke. Decided to give it a spin, and it was fucking awesome. Totally had what the Nashville music scene was missing: balls. Big ones at that. It’s a shame that they broke up. At least we’ve still got Bad Cop.

Them Crooked Vultures – Them Crooked Vultures
Josh Homme + Dave Grohl + John Paul Jones. All three have come from great bands and all three show that while they can hold their own, they can come together on a project and make a record that will totally blow everyone away.

Cage the Elephant – Cage the Elephant
Ignoring how overplayed “Ain’t No Rest for the Wicked” is, this album is still fucking stellar. Lead singer looks like he’s already done too many drugs, yet the band is just getting their feet of the ground. They’ve got my vote already.

It’s Blitz – Yeah Yeah Yeahs
Karen O is fucking crazy. And I love it. Missed out on this band at Lollapalooza to see Tool. Heard this record after and got pissed. Not that they should have replaced Tool, but that Perry Farrell should have retired Jane’s Addiction or better yet, not bring the cocksucking Killers to the festival and put the Yeah Yeah Yeah’s on for Sunday so I could have seen them. Oh well. Anyways, killer record.

Rain Machine – Rain Machine
First time I heard this record, I fucking hated it. I thought that Kyp should have stayed in TV on the Radio. When I gave it a second listen, after knowing what I was listening to, I liked it. A lot. Word of advice. Kyp has something that many artists don’t have today. That’s called balls. He could have made a record that sounds identical to the stuff he has done with TotR, but instead of being a pussy, he decided to piss people who wanted predictable shit and made a record he wanted to make. And it’s good if you realize it’s not TotR. Fuck it, it’s a good record all around.

Immolate Yourself – Telefon Tel Aviv
Released just two days before the death of Charles Cooper, this album showcases how fucking cool the group was and how awesome it could have been if Cooper hadn’t died. Depressing that he’s dead? Yes. But damn did he go out with one hell of a trippy album.

The Dreams We Have As Children – Noel Gallagher
Okay, so this is not really a new album or anything, but rather a live recording of Noel Gallagher doing a solo show. Let’s just consider this like a lifetime achievement award, considering that Oasis is done, and that now Noel is going to be cranking out some awesome solo albums. Gonna be fucking great.

The Dark Night of Soul – Danger Mouse and Sparklehorse
Possibly one of the coolest albums that has not been released yet. Why? No idea. A great album that is even better when stoned (not that it needs weed, but come on, you know that a lot of albums become even better after you smoke). Download this sucker illegally if you have to.

The Worst

Relapse – Eminem
Apparently, this album is what Eminem sounds like after he got over hard drugs. However, he probably should have stayed on them, cause this album blows, hardcore.

The Resistance – Muse
“Love is our resistance.” Really? C’mon Matt Bellamy. Black Holes and Revolutions was great. You went from sounding like an awesome heavy Radiohead rip off, to a horribly bad Queen rip off. Then again, neither Thom Yorke or Freddie Mercury took huge exaggerated breaths after each single lyric sung either nor have either made an album this retarded.

The High End of Low – Marilyn Manson
Listened to the first track of this crappy album because I heard that Manson had finally got Twiggy back (who wrote the decent songs on a couple records). Big mistake. No one can save this train wreck of Oxycontin and pretentiousness. This dude needs to just OD already and get it over with.

Ratitude – Weezer
Quote of the year: “I’m not Prince or Rivers Cuomo who brags about having hundreds of great songs,” Reznor said. “And to that I would say, Prince, if you have a hundred great songs or a thousand, how about picking a few and putting them on your record that you’ve put out because your last several have sucked. Same for you, Rivers. I say that constructively, you know.” – Trent Reznor of Nine Inch Nails

Full Circle – Creed
It seems like 2009 was a year for shit bands to get back together and record albums. I’m gonna be honest and say that I’m surprised that I’m not hugely depressed right now, considering that Limp Bizkit and Creed have gotten back together in the same year. Don’t know what keeps me going, but if Fallout Boy decides to get back together, I’m heading for the tallest building and taking the easy way out. Too much shit in one year.

Out of Ashes – Dead Sunrise
That whiny singer from Linkin Park made another band. That’s like a rapist going back for seconds. Let’s stop this fucker before it’s too late.

The Circle – Bon Jovi
A washed up wannabe-rocker who’s only fan base exists with alcoholic 50 year old bored housewives.

Aim and Ignite – Fun.
Shit, and I thought Panic at The Disco was bad. I found out about this shitty band from some idiot on Facebook’s constant ranting about it (to be more specfic, a former roommate). After giving it a listen, I checked my ears, and sure enough, yep, there was blood. Moral of the story? You probably shouldn’t check out music if someone post it on facebook as “Fun. is SOOOOOO gooood”. Especially when you know that kid is a complete tool.

more to be added later.

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