Imperial Retards

Nu-metal is a trend that is slowly but surely dying. With Limp Bizkit canceling their tour (and hopefully their new album) and Linkin Park moving away from the shitty genre (but still making shit music), it seems like the trend is finally at it’s end and that shit that everyone listened to in middle school is finally disappearing. However, there seems to be other people who won’t let the guaranteed shitty mix of guitar and rap die. And they’re getting desperate to keep it alive.

I never knew who Imperial Stars were, and after hearing their music, I wish I never asked. They claim to be a “hardcore hip-hop act”, but everyone knows that there’s no way even a regular hip hop act has 2 white middle-aged looking dudes, and one guy who looks like Shaun Ryder beat with an ugly stick. So what makes this group so special? What makes them stand out more than the normal bunch of “musicians” who should be applying for a job at Target at this point? They caused a traffic jam….literally.

On October 12th, these attention whores rented out the ugliest truck known to man, and then used it to BLOCK 3 lanes of traffic on Highway 101 in Los Angeles, California. What in the world could these self proclaimed “ROCK STARSSS!!” think warrants them pissing off a bunch of motorists and almost cause a pile-up? They wanted to perform their new smash hit “Traffic Jam 101”, which they did by jumping up on the roof of the truck and giving these pissed off motorists a “performance.” C’mon LA. We’ve all seen the footage of the LA riots. The police shouldn’t have arrived until AFTER you guys tipped over the truck.

But if you watch the video, the police are even nice enough to let them finish the performance. What the fuck LAPD? We weren’t exactly rooting for ya to begin with, but the fact that you didn’t taser these dorks on arrival loses you some serious points.

Anyways, after a bit, the band was arrested and is now facing felony charges. We think that if the jury had actually heard the song they performed, they probably would have given the band 25 to life without parole, or at least a restraining order from the nearest studio or highway.

In what was probably a plea to get some mercy from the jury, these dorks have said that the stunt was to help homeless children in the Los Angeles area and have even dedicated their website to it. So basically, they’re doing what everyone who gets bad press does; gives to charity to make themselves seem like they are not the jackasses they really are. For those who think I’m being unfair, let me ask ya: do you need to take a truck, block off a busy highway in LA and put on a godawful performance in order to raise money for a good cause? I think the people at the center they are supporting would have rather just gotten a check than all of this bad publicity. Then again, I’m not a “ROCK STAR! LIVING ON THE EDGE.”

Comments
One Response to “Imperial Retards”
  1. crankypants says:

    Wow. They are truly talentless and terrible. If I’d seen that video before I read your article I’d think they were a joke band. Well. They are a joke, but you know what I mean.

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