Town Line – Aaron Lewis

Good news and bad news, peeps. Remember, Staind? That band who made a bunch of shitty songs that appeared in B movies with Ashton Kutcher? Good news is that they’re not releasing another album just yet! They made it too easy to make fun of the title of the last one, “The Illusion of Progress.” Nice one, dudes. It’s like shooting fish in a barrel at this point. The bad news is, that fat annoying bald singer (who apparently plays a bunch of horrendous acoustic covers at random bars) is put out a solo album. And it’s about as country as the KKK and wearing camo when you’re not hunting.

The music is horrendous. And I’m only judging it off the single I heard. For anyone who thinks I’m being unfair, I don’t have to sit through a shit movie if I can tell within the first five minutes if it’s gonna be horrible. The single was all I needed to hear.

Country Boy – Aaron Lewis

Dude tries his hardest to sound country, despite the fact that he’s from Massachusetts. Smooth one, poser. It’s just funny hearing about this dude driving a diesel truck and carrying his .45 everywhere he goes when he lived less than 2 hours away from Boston. Gimme a break, dude. As if that wasn’t enough, the other lines like “whiskey can change a man” and “I smoke a little weed” are so lame, they’re cringeworthy. This fucking guy really thinks he’s Willie Nelson all of a sudden!

Basically, after hearing that song, I can tell that the rest of this EP is probably gonna make you feel embarrassed for this wannabe hick. I’d say don’t quit your day job dude, but since that’s Staind, I’d say just go ahead and sign up for food stamps.

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