Juggalos Do Infomercials

Every once in a while, something comes along that’s so bad that it reminds me why I’m prochoice. The example for today: Juggalos. I actually envy people who live under a rock and don’t know who these people are. You know the wiggers who hung out in the high school parking lot and tried to be “gangsta” despite the fact that they couldn’t shake their redneck upbringings? They gave themselves horrible nicknames like Street Cat? Imagine if those people made families, and started emulating a group of rapping clowns. Yeah, I said it. RAPPING clowns. Nothing’s more gangsta than face paint and being whiter than Bunny bread. Anyways, those people exist and call themselves Juggalos. They blindly follow a band of clown rappers called Insane Clown Posse. And yeah, it’s even worse than you can imagine.

Every year, these people unglue themselves from watching Nascar on TV and eating lots of Doritos to put on their version of Woodstock. They’ve cleverly titled it “Gathering of the Juggalos” and are holding it this year in some bumfuck town in Illinois. If you’d really like’d to find out more, Vanilla Ice apparently needs more drug money and will walk you through it in this infomercial. Quick warning: if you’re not stoned, the level of stupidity this thing emits might give you a headache.

Yes, you did just see that and yes, it is real. It’s very real. You can get your tickets…..who am I kidding? If you want to get tickets for this thing after watching that, I recommend getting a vasectomy first.

3 Responses to “Juggalos Do Infomercials”
  1. crankypants says:

    1) I had to ask what a juggalo was, sometime in the last year or so. (It was sometime after I asked what a Justin Bieber was, hard to believe it’s only been a year or so)
    2) I thought Vanilla Ice was rehabbing homes
    3) no way I’m sitting through 27 minutes of that.

    • Jordan Canio says:

      1) It happens. But don’t you wish you didn’t ask after you found out?
      2) He’s jive as fuck, but I think his dignity on this one got compromised by drugs. What’s left of it.
      3) it’s worse than that Power Rangers tv show from the Nineties. Even a 4 year old me would know that sucked.

  2. Jon Conant says:

    Wow, that lineup is literally all of the shitty music that was popular in middle school. I guess some people never grow up.

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