Stuff and Such’s Best and Worst List of 2011

In a world where there are hundreds of different languages, double standards and double meanings, it seems that there are only a few things the world understands collectively. One of those things is music. People, no matter what part of the world they are from, understand the simpleness of a melody and what it’s supposed to convey. It’s probably why people like me, who have no religion or anything like that to believe in, love music so. That’s why I get pissed when I hear bad or insincere music. It’s like somebody’s pissing on my church. With that in mind, while 2011 had some cringeworthy moments, it also had its share of awesome ones. Noel Gallagher came back from the dead, Queens of the Stone Age and the Arctic Monkeys both played Nashville, PUJOL signed onto a bigger label, and SMiLE finally came out just to name a few. Sure, it had a couple of setbacks but you gotta soldier on through that shit if you want to reach the promise land, right? So I guess in a way, this list is gonna help you not get your hands as dirty, because you’ll know what’s diamonds and what’s absolute shit.

Okay, enough ranting. I’m sure no one reads the intro to this shit anyways. Here’s the list. Knock yourselves out.

The Best

(in no particular order)

Submarine – Alex Turner

Suck It and See – the Arctic Monkeys

I’m killing two birds with one stone by putting these two together. 2011 was the year the Arctic Monkeys grew on me. The first single, “Don’t Sit Down Cause I Moved Your Chair,” was the shit kicker that got me to start paying attention. However, it’s songs like the melancholy but elegant “Piledriver Waltz” that make you stick around for more. Well done, Monkeys, well done.

GB City – Bass Drum of Death

I like JEFF the Brotherhood (Heavy Days at least), but these dudes kind of have them beat because they write catchy songs AND good lyrics. Straight out of Mississippi, it’s like garage rock merging with Mississippi delta blues to create a good time. Fall into a hole in the ground and get found.

Let England Shake – PJ Harvey

I’ve had a crush on Miss Polly Jean Harvey ever since I was seven and I saw her video for “Down By the Water.” I didn’t get into her music until 10 years later, but the woman in red has managed to continue making good music (aside from an album or two) and is still sexy. They don’t make them like this anymore.

Teenage and Torture – Shilpa Ray and Her Happy Hookers

I first heard about her when I saw her open for Grinderman last year. She seemed sweet but had a voice like a hellion. She blew me and everyone else the fuck away that night. This is her with her backing band and they take you down to the deep depths of a sleazy brothel without the STD’s or the gross looking whores. And it’s a hell of a ride.

My Floor EP – Slang Chickens

It takes guts to try and combine two radically different genres like country and punk. It takes skill to pull it off. The Slang Chickens do just that. Plus, “Never Been High” is one of my favorite songs this year to smoke to. That slide guitar gets me every time.

Dye It Blonde – Smith Westerns

It’s been quite a good year for these dudes. They went from headlining the cramped The End in January to opening for the Arctic Monkeys in October. They’ve got the hype, but more importantly, they’ve also got the tunes. This glam-rock inspired album is perfect for lighting up that leftover roach from the other night, and drifting away for a good bit.

In Cold Blood – the Sister Ruby Band

This album is like exhaling after taking a long drag of a cigarette: refreshing. I’ve never been a big fan of art school kids, but this guy seems to know what he’s doing. The songs are reminiscent of BRMC, JAMC and even a bit of Lou Reed, but he doesn’t rip off his influences; he tips his hat to them. This is how it’s done, kids.

Goodbye Bread – Ty Segall

I’ve burnt myself out on this album at this point, but I still feel the need to throw it up here. Ty’s a real workaholic. I mean, most musicians need to be to stay alive, but Ty REALLY loves what he’s doing. If he’s not touring, he’s recording. He delivered this album to us this year, and it’s a lot different than Melted. It’s still got tunes that’ll make your head nod, but he’s taken less of a garage-party-rock approach to his riffs and a more psychedelic approach to his song writing. Hopefully he doesn’t run out of steam, cause this shit rules.

The Party Ain’t Over – Wanda Jackson

The Queen is back. Before Jack White broke millions of excessive Third Man fans hearts by announcing the end of the White Stripes, he helped produce this nugget to help soften the blow (cause let’s face it, a bunch of the die hard fans are pussies). Jackson delivers songs that can make people a 1/3 of her age swing and shake. You don’t even need White’s production for the record to sound modern. Jackson’s songwriting and presence are more than sufficient.

Memories Come True – Cliffie Swan

Two hot babes from New York writing dreamy pop songs on electric guitars that take you to a better place. You had me at “hello.”

Arabia Mountain – the Black Lips

This album has grown on me since I last heard it. These dudes are maturing. Well, at least songwriting-wise. They’re still like the smart asses you had a love/hate relationship with in high school. However, it’s hard for me not to like an album that’s like taking shrooms and walking up and down the beach. Definitely the best thing these dudes have done so far and hopefully they’ll utilize a producer like Ronson for the next one.

El Camino – The Black Keys

It’s been five years since the duo played Grimey’s and they’ve come a long way since then. They’ve climbed their way to the top and are gearing up to play arenas next year. And they deserve to. This new album is way better than Brothers. And Brothers fucking ruled.

Unknown Mortal Orchestra – Unknown Mortal Orchestra

These people look like such fucking hipsters, yet they write such good melodies that I can almost ignore their questionable attire. Trading hook after hook, the album feels like walking down the street high on a sunny day. And even though they need to work on their grammar with titles like “Ffunny Friends,” this album makes it hard to be in a bad mood. Kudos.

The Book of Mormon- Original Broadway Recording

I’m not big on musicals or any of that Glee shit that is going around. So me saying I like this is like getting Mel Gibson to say he likes Jews or Rick Perry to read a science book.

Velociraptor! – Kasabian

Such a good album deserves a less-retarded title than this, but cest la vie. These English lads turned my head when they put out their 2009 single “Fire” and despite my initial reaction to their lukewarm new single “Switchblade Smiles,” this album rips with every other song. It sounds like the band is rolling back through town to finish up unfinished business and with an army of guitar fills, beats, and sick synth textures, they make an album that is ready for arenas, but spacey enough to play alone at home.

Noel Gallagher’s High Flying Birds – Noel Gallagher’s High Flying Birds

You shouldn’t be surprised that this on here. And if you’re going to bitch about it, feel free to blow up the comments section. But all that aside, this is the best thing Noel has done in a good while. Liam can talk a big game, but after the disappointment that was Beady Eye and a frivolous lawsuit, the music is what really did the talking. And Noel still rules.

Nasty, Brutish, and Short – PUJOL

Nashville’s profilic political scientist is back with a punk record that has elements of pop but not in that shitty pop-punk direction. Seriously, if you listen to “Point of View” and aren’t convinced that this dude knows what he’s doing, you’re an idiot.

I Can’t Slow Down EP – Bad Cop

2010 was the best of times and the worst of the times for this band. Despite line up changes and adversity within the scene, the band soldiered on through the bullshit and put out a 3 track EP that is like audible speed. An appropriate response to the times and definitely a sign of the cool shit to come.

Wildlife – the Icarus Line

Frontman Joe Cardamone describes this album as “rock n’ roll music that is actually made by motivated fuck ups who had no other choice.” Alright, you have my attention. This album has a heavy blues vibe with bass lines that go deep. It’s like Birthday Party-era Nick Cave and Iggy Pop (before he started blowing it) had an illegitimate kid. If you know anything about either of those bands, you should probably know that this is not for the weak stomached.

Believers – AA Bondy

Why this guy goes unnoticed but ball-lickers like Connor Oberst get all of the attention baffles me. He’s taken a much more ambient approach nowadays that makes this album have a “coming home” feeling to it. I dig. Bondy knows what he’s doing and like the before-mentioned Black Keys, he gets better and better with every record.

The Worst

Super Heavy – Super Heavy

As if Keith Richards’ autobiography wasn’t enough proof that Jagger has been losing it, he teamed up with that bitch who thinks it’s okay to cover a White Stripes single two years after it was released and some kid who’s only known cause his dad made really good stoner music. Reggae still sucks and this tiki bar shit isn’t gonna cut it.

Town Line – Aaron Lewis

That one dude from the god-awful Staind made a record about how he’s a country boy despite the fact that he used to live 3 hours away from Boston. A poser red neck? Didn’t know they made those nowadays.

21 – Adele

Can we please stop having this whiney white girl music now? We get it. You and Taylor Swift had a shit boyfriend. Why don’t you stop mooping about it and get your shit together? If not for yourself, do it for me so that I won’t have to log on Facebook and see half the girls I know post the lyrics as their status because they just broke up with their boyfriend for the 292th time, but this time it’s because “he didn’t understand.” NEXT

LuLu – Lou Reed and Metallica

Someone needs to serve up a heart attack towards Lou Reed. The dude’s gone senile and thinks he can read poetry over metal. Metallica is senile too but we already knew that after Death Magnetic and the Napster fiasco.

Gold Cobra – Limp Bizkit

Limp Bizkit reunited to record this album. This has to be the one reunion that has happened that no one has given two shits about. All of the 12 year olds who dug their first albums have either grown up and realized they are shit or have moved on to Hinder, Chevelle or any of the other shitbag bands Durst inspired.

The Black Belles – the Black Belles

One of my buddies put it best: “this shit is straight bo-bo, son.” It don’t matter. Jack White could diarrhea in a bag and those Third Man babies would still buy twelve

Devil’s Carnival – the Monroes

Worst band in Nashville by far. I crack up when I get press releases from their publicity company (which is probably the equivalent of those video karaoke machines in the mall) that describes this band as having such a huge following on Myspace and Facebook that they are considered “the next Rolling Stones.” Dudes, GET FUCKING REAL.

Camp – Childish Gambino

Apparently this dude got his name from a name generator. You know, the annoying things people used to post on myspace that will give you “your stripper name.” The fact that this album sounds like Tyler the Creator for Radio Disney doesn’t help. Stick to comedy dude. This shit is funny, but we’re not laughing with you. At all.

I’m With You – Red Hot Chili Peppers

Everyone dug these dudes in high school and kept going on and on about how great of a guitarist John Frusciante is. Well, that dude jumped ship on the band because he thought making a solo record with Omar from the Mars Volta would be a good idea, which makes me think he’s on heroin again. Then again, if I had to sit through band practice with 2 shirtless 50 year olds who are still set on making white guy funk for another 20 years, I’d probably have the urge to chase the dragon again as well.

More Monsters and Sprites – Skrillex

This dude follows one shit trend to another. After going from this to this, we wouldn’t be surprised if he started licking his own shit off the ground if someone told him it was popular.

Born This Way – Lady Gaga

This sucked when it was called Madonna.

Past Life Martyred Saints- EMA

This sucked when it was called “Courtney Love” and murdered Kurt.

EP 1 – Bummer

Loose Jewels – Diarrhea Planet

Do I need to say anything else about this one? I think this review and the drummer’s comments here summarize what’s wrong with it. If that’s not enough, give it a couple of minutes. I’m sure he’ll appear in the comment section. Other than that, these records are probably more painful that having your balls waxed. Fuck that.

 Neighborhoods – Blink-182

 Screaming Bloody Murder – Sum 41

Pop punk needs to stay back in 1999. Seriously, you guys are 30 and still playing songs about high school, boogers, pizza, and that girl who wouldn’t go to the prom with you? Have your balls dropped yet cause otherwise somebody needs to call up Guinness. We might have a record for the longest case of not hitting puberty

Here and Now – Nickelback

We couldn’t close out the year with a good note. What’s even more laughable than their music is their attitude to all the well-deserved hate they receive. When 20,000 Detroit fans want you to shut the fuck up and the best you can do is come up with a lame Funny Or Die skit, it’s over. Unfortunately, there are enough trailer park pigs and dudes who wear wife-beaters in this country to keep these dudes employed. Shit.

The Path to Totality – Korn

Korn does dubstep. That’s literally a shit sandwich

Life Suxx – Wavves

 The Fall – Gorillaz

Two bands I thought were awesome last year fell pretty hard in a short time. It’s kind of like in sixth grade when you have a crush on a cute girl, but then watched her go through the middle school years to come out on the other side as a pregnant cum feaster. It’s sad, but I guess we all grow up some time.

Doo-Waps and Hooligans – Bruno Mars

I know this came out last year, but it’s been stinking into this year too. Seriously, at least popular music 10 years ago seemed to be trying lyrically. Now, we have this ass clown running around trying to mash up Nirvana and Michael Jackson and doing bad Elvis impersonations. This shit is bone-chillingly bad. They could blare this shit in Guantamino Bay for torture. People would tell you anything just so you could turn it off.

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Comments
4 Responses to “Stuff and Such’s Best and Worst List of 2011”
  1. Jackson Sidenberg says:

    ❤ sister ruby band

  2. StylesP says:

    Yo nigga this list is some real shit. fuck those niggaz who put out some bullshit. on the real. but on the real, dat artic monkeys record really wasnt dat good, and dat bummer ep made me try to kill myself, 2011 wasn’t that great of a year for music. 2009 and 2010 were much better. hopefully 2012 will be good. fuck hatin hoes, steal stuff, spend money on dumb shit, slap women.

    -styles p.

  3. Here's Jonny says:

    Let me be the first to say….. you suck and you are an asshole and im actually really good at drums and my friends are really good at guitars so please just leave us alone and go listen to (insert current hipster album of the year) and shop at (seemingly mainstream clothing outfit) and quit trying to be mean to us you (combination of two words, one being perverted in nature) or I’m gonna have all my friends get on your blog an tell you stupid you are.

    Pretty much sums the entire DP comment chain ha

    PS Get off your Noel horse bitch boy

  4. RICHPUNK says:

    I BOUGHT THIS LEATHER JACKET WITH MY DADS CREDIT CARD

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