Shitlist Vol. 1

Someone once said the little things are what really matter. I agree. The little things will either make you happy or drive you up the wall. This is a list of the latter stuff. See anything I missed? Disagree? Want to send me death threats (those never get old)? By all means, use the comment section to let me know how you really feel. From the looks of the way things are right now, this will probably be the first of many.

8. Phish is playing Bonnaroo. Not going now. Phish-heads only dig the drugs, not the music. Not that I hold anything against drugs, but if the only reason you leave your parents’ basement is to take way too much acid and annoy the shit out of me, then do us all a favor: upgrade from acid to heroin. It’ll work out. Trust me.

7. The Flaming Lips are blowing it. They’re trying to be all edgy and unique by collaborating with Kesha and Yoko Ono. Hey Wayne, we get it. You’re a weirdo. However, at a whooping age of 51, you just seem senile. Quit rolling around in a bubble and check into a nursing home already.

6. Kings of Leon are writing songs again. They also just guest-starred in the season finale of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia as bartenders. Looks like they are already training for a new career once this new album tanks again.

5. Road to Bonnaroo is back to remind us all it’s a crock of shit. The good bands never win and the ones that do suck more shit than a porta potty truck at the festival itself. PASS

4. Heavy Cream kicked out their bassist Danny a couple of months ago, despite the fact that they named an album after him. Bet that seems like a bad decision now. They did get smart and replace him with Seth Sutton of the Useless Eaters. Good call, chicas. Maybe now every album won’t sound like a direct Ramones rip off.

3. Someone needs to let D Watusi and Dirty Dreams know that it’s not 2009 anymore and that the whole retro sound is completely played out.

2. Skrillex is banging that Ellie Goulding chick. Really? I was pretty sure that if anyone was predestined to never get laid, it was some pale dude who spends too much time on the computer.

1. Skipped out on the Grammys but I caught the Beach Boys performances. Adam Levine needs to be shot, Old Yeller style. Take him out back and put one right between his eyes.

Comments
7 Responses to “Shitlist Vol. 1”
  1. Here's Jonny says:

    stirrin up the shit storm.

  2. Junglesass says:

    Heavy Cream did not name the album after Mr.Severs.

    • Jordan Canio says:

      Really? It looks like they did. The only one not on the horse on that album is him and he’s like in front of them all. If they didn’t want to name it after him, they sure did a poor job trying to convince us otherwise.

  3. zebradick says:

    it is 2009, wavves is still cool, so is fuzzy guitars and songs about the beach, esp. when you live in tennessee.

  4. HEAVY CREAM IS A GOOD BAND!!! THEY ARE NOT PERCEIVED AS ”THE LITTLE ENGINE WHO COULD”…JESSICA’S CAT SUIT IS SO IRONIC, I WONDER IF URBAN OUTFITTERS WILL START TO SELL THOSE. GOSH THOSE KIDS ARE ORIGINALLY AND COMPLETELY REVOLUTIONIZING OUR CULTURE. LETS WRITE SONGS ABOUT 1977 LONDON IN 2012 TENNESSEE, CAUSE I CONNECT WITH THAT, LIKE MY DAD CONNECTS MY BANK TO HIS.

  5. junglesass says:

    I am all about bashing some trustifarians as much as the next bitter asshole but you got those kids all mixed up if you think they come from a high tax bracket.

  6. jungleassprotectoroftruthandlife says:

    jungle ass- protector or truth and life. spends most his time with face in lap of HC.

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