Shitlist Vol. 2

I had my buddy Jon Conant contribute a bit to this one. He’s just as hateful as me, apparently. Anyways, you know the drill. Just don’t taze me, bro.

9. Usually it takes bands several albums to become caricatures of themselves, attempting to regurgitate the sound that initially made them interesting and different while in reality sounding like a sad impersonation of their original selves. Sleigh Bells managed to do this in two albums.

8. Kesha spends 3-5 thousand dollars on glitter a month. I wonder how much money she spends on Lysine?

7. Limp Bizkit signed to Cash Money and Fat Fred is now going on about how he’s making the “most crazy metal record of all time.” At this point, I’m pretty sure Lil Wayne’s just doing it all for the nookie.

6. Diarrhea Planet is bragging about how they were name dropped in Pitchfork in a Titus Andronicus article. They conveniently forgot to mention that they were also called pop-punk band in said article. Nice job dudes. You’re in the same category as Blink-182, Sum 41, Green Day and a bunch of other bands that consists of rich suburban kids who can’t stop whining about their girlfriend and fart jokes. Whoopee.

5. Bon Iver blows. People think he’s cool for “not caring” about the Grammy’s. What’s wrong with you people? That’s like being cool for knowing to look both ways before crossing the street. It’s common sense, motherfuckers. Then again, for anyone who wants a cheap alternative to sleeping pills, One or two Bon Iver songs should do it. Next!

4. Some dude named Aaron Thomas is trying super-hard to be like Cameron Crowe. He’s asking for about 75 G’s via the ever annoying Kickstarter to fund his going-to-Nashville movie the Biznash (yes, it’s really called that). It looks like the most asinine thing since Courtney Love. Third rate actors, third rate songs and a third rate director with an air of pompousness does not warrant spending even 75 cents on this piece of dog shit. You can watch the 15 minute preview below. I did and now I think I need to book a lobotomy.

3. Dave Mustaine supports Rick Santorum, calling his speeches “eloquent.” I never thought Metallica were the smartest guys, but shit, they must have some intelligence (minus Lars) for kicking out this dipshit.

2. Famous drug-addict and one-time Kate Moss banger Pete Doherty is apparently trying to start a hip-hop career. Crack is wack, kids.

1. Adam Lambert, that dude who thought it was okay to butcher Johnny Cash’s Ring of Fire on American Idol, is performing with the surviving members of Queen. If there’s a God, he’ll serve up the remaining members of Queen with heart attacks before this abomination causes Freddie to spin in his grave.

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Comments
4 Responses to “Shitlist Vol. 2”
  1. crankypants says:

    I got through about 5 and a half minutes of that movie clip and had to stop. Barf.

  2. mayonaseoneverybitenigga says:

    DIARRHEA PLANET HAS STOLEN THE ENTIRE 12-16 rich white kid MARKET!!!! WAHH!!!!

  3. Here's Jonny says:

    We totally forgot to rip on Sleigh Bells. I know youve already done this on your blog before, but now that the album is out, I have this urge to tell everyone how dumb they are for liking this. Here it goes.

    9. Usually it takes bands several albums to become caricatures of themselves, attempting to regurgitate the sound that initially made them interesting and different while in reality sounding like a sad impersonation of their original selves. Sleigh Bells managed to do this in two albums.

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