Shitlist Vol. 6

– Infinity Cat lost PUJOL and Natural Child (who has been growing on me since I last heard them) and in-exchange, they got Diarrhea Planet and Peach Pop Kelli. That transcends the phrase “bum deal.”

– SPIN Magazine, in its attempts to prove they are not out of touch or like every other music magazine, published a list of their top 100 guitarist. While I give them props for listing Ron Asheton of the Stooges as number 11 and throwing Rowland S Howard on there as well, that doesn’t excuse the number of mortal sins they’ve committed on this one list. First, they put Johnny Ramone in front of Asheton. Comparing Ramone’s repetitive power chords to Asheton’s solos that sound like he’s exorcising demons, there’s no comparison. The Stooges rule over that shit. Second, they put Josh Homme of Queens of the Stone Age as number 85 but dudes who rely solely on their guitar pedals like Tom Morello and the Edge even higher. So I guess using a shit ton of effect pedals is better than really playing guitar. And finally, they make no mention at all of Keith Richards or Jimmy Page, but manage to throw in fucking Skrillex at number 100. Wow, dudes, you’re so edgy and cool now. Might as well change your name to MAD magazine at this point, cause this is even funnier than that shit.

– Muse has gone dubstep for their new album. I guess they realized that since those retarded Twilight movies are almost over, they’ll need to jump on another trend to stay popular in America. Just in case you still believe that there is a God, they’ve released a preview of what’s to come. Fuck, I hope the Mayans are right.

– The lead singer of the Black Shades (real name Aaron Clark) goes by the stage name “Chuck Falcon.” When it comes to naming things (bands, stage names, etc), it usually helps to go through the 2 week phase, meaning, if the name you’ve picked doesn’t sound absolutely fucking retarded by the end of the two weeks, then it may withstand the test of time. That being said, I couldn’t see “Chuck Falcon” sticking around for two weeks. Fuck, I can’t see it sticking around for 2 minutes.

– Jack White is pissed that the Guinness Book of World Records won’t acknowledge that the one note show he did back in 2007 was really the world’s shortest concert (boo-fucking-hoo). In response, White is gonna attempt to make it into the book for “most metaphors used in a single concert.” Really dude? Out of all the records you could choose, you’re going to break something that would probably only excite English majors and teachers? How exciting….Shut the fuck up and just play “Freedom at 21.”

– While we’re on the subject of Jack White, apparently he can’t take a joke too well. When the Black Lips played that show right after Bonnaroo, Natural Child were scheduled to be on the bill as well. Prior to that, they did an interview with Dirty Laundry, in which they said that Kid Rock could probably kick Jack White’s ass (which c’mon, Jack might have fucked up that dude from the Von Bondies pretty badly back in the day, but Kid Rock is a straight up hillbilly). White couldn’t laugh it off so he booted Natural Child from the bill and replaced them with the always-terrible Cheap Time. Lighten up and walk it off, Jack. Yeesh.

– New pet peeve: Why do bands of shitty caliber insist on making videos of themselves covering other peoples songs? What is it about the bands Fun. And Gotye that makes people want to do a shitty rendition of their already shitty songs? Seriously guys, no one is going to become of fan of your so called band by watching you do some lame reinterpretation of a song that everyone has heard way too many times. Its great that you have a camera and your friend knows how edit videos, but this does not make you obligated to fill cyberspace with your half-assed attempt to make some fourteen year old think youre good looking. My advice to you, stop trying to be in a band and just do karaoke at your local bar on Tuesdays. At least there you have a good chance of picking up on that fourty-five year old burnout drinking vodka-crans in the back corner all alone. She thinks you’re rendition of “Don’t Stop Believing” is sexy.

– I know Jordan has probably already hated on the Black Belles on this here list-of-shit before, but I can’t resist. I’ve had more than enough of this band, parading around Nashville like they’ve actually accomplished something, and way more than enough of the Third Man fanboys who talk about The Black Belles like they are some hidden gem that only ‘cool people’ know about. NEWS FLASH: These ladies have never written a song in their life….. also (here comes a shocker) they aren’t very good musicians. Just look up a video of them playing live on YouTube and prepare to be dumbstruck by their marginal talents. Lastly, the recent video (link) of them showing the Jack Daniel’s folks their favorite Nashville spots is downright repulsive. And WHO THE FUCK let these bitches in the Black Cab Sessions?? Oh wait…. Daddy Jacko. I’d rather listen to D. Watusi play their one song endlessly than have to hear/see/be reminded of the Black Belles ever again.

– Bonnaroo. Yeah I went this year…. Again. Although the traffic situation has improved, there are new problems to endure. It is a group of people that are often referred to as “Ragers”. These are the dudes in the flat bill hats sporting pricy sunglasses, baggy swimsuits and constantly babbling at the tops of their lungs about their favorite EDM act. You know who they are. “Skrillex BROOOOO, that shits gonna be off the chain” is a phrase I never want to hear again. This is what happens when those meat-head douche-bags you went to high school with discover molly and buy some really expensive headphones endorsed by a washed up rapper. They become this strange blend fratboy/wannabe-hippie/untrained gorilla with a vocabulary limited to less than a hundred words. I’ll be looking for a new festival next year.

3 Responses to “Shitlist Vol. 6”
  1. steven says:

    number 1 is def the truth!!! ICR used to be my fav nashville label, now it fucking sucks. like the new jeff record.

  2. steven says:

    black belles suck too. jesus. tmr and icr got super fucking lame. thank god for burger records.

  3. justsomeguy says:

    chuck falcon 4eva

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