Shitlist Vol. 9

Not gonna lie, 2013 has been panning out better than expected on SO many levels…and we’re barely a month into the fucker. We’ve got more than a handful of good albums coming from across the good spectrum of music and a shit ton of awesome live acts are making their way to Nashville as we speak. However, an influx of good stuff almost always means a tidal wave of bullshit is inevitably gonna follow. That’s probably why this list of shit here comes barely a month after the last one. But its all good, it just means we gotta open the floodgates a bit so the dam doesn’t explode and submerge Music City in a tidal wave of bullshit. But before we begin, I gotta give credit where credit is due. That last one on Blake Shelton is pretty much all of Mikey Owen. The dude’s a fucking character and we’re grateful to have him fighting the good fight with us as well. Also, my good friend Ceebs deserves some credit as well. Since those pussies at Nashville’s Dead still have me blocked on their PUBLIC Twitter account, she’s been good enough to send me screen caps of when those dipshits blow it (well, more than usual at least). So without further introduction (and I know most of you fuckers skipped this anyway), here’s Vol. 9:

– So Justin Bieber was caught smoking weed. While this kind of shit snowballed when Miley did it, it didn’t have that kind of effect on Bieber cause, well, who really gives a shit at this point, right? However, that didn’t stop his army of brain-washed ten year olds from acting out as dramatically as they possibly can. In fact, they’re so pissed, that they have actually  started to CUT themselves. I can’t make up this wacky Waco shit! Apparently, his army of Beliebers are so offended that Bieber has been spotted smoking a joint that they have been posting pictures online of themselves bleeding from the wrist in order to dissuade the young douchebag from “a drug problem.” Darwin was right; this is natural selection at its finest.

– Dave Mustiane has run out of shit to complain about now that Obama has been re-elected. He’s now writing lengthy letters about the shittiness of Men’s Wearhouse and how we’re supposively being drugged by airplanes….Right on Dave. That’s really metal of you….assclown.

– I don’t dislike Evan P. Donohue cause I do recognize he has some songwriting chops (even if its not normally my bag). However, he’s really got to stop doing covers at his shows. The one I saw him do of Nirvana’s “About a Girl” at the Mercy Lounge’s anniversary party was cringeworthy. Dude was missing notes, played it in the wrong key, etc. Just awful.  Yeah, yeah, you can go on about how Nirvana never played the right notes all the time too, but they WERE Nirvana. See the difference. If you don’t, hang it up.

– There’s a school in the UK that offers a course in winning the X-Factor. The headmaster says he started it because he was mad with people thinking all the X Factor was was someone “wandering in, singing a song, and (becoming) famous.” That’s like Belmont offering courses on how to succeed on American Idol. Actually, that wouldn’t surprise me THAT much.

– I already posted this earlier, but I feel the need to reiterate. Apparently the pot gets blacker. Oh Nashville’s Dead, can you guys stop making it so EASY? How about you guys stick to ripping off your album titles from people like Greg of PUJOL instead of trying to convince everyone that you’re not psuedo-punk. It’s much less obvious than the other shit you guys pull…..oh wait……

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– U2 is following Green Day’s suit now; they are rumored to be in the studio recording a trilogy of albums and promise that they’re coming out soon. One of them is titled “10 Reasons to Exist.” Don’t know about that, but I could give Bono less than 10 reasons to quit.

– Who the fuck are the Lumineers? Apparently they were on SNL and are up for some Grammy’s but apart from that, is there anything even remotely interesting about them? Nope. Plus, they say you’re only as good as your drummer, but these dudes don’t have a drummer. I’m no math expert, but it looks like the shit all adds up after all!

– Jack Black is promising to make a music festival that is “the fuckin’ Super Bowl of comedy-rock.” Please don’t. The only people who find Tenacious D funny anymore are virgins and dudes who still live with their moms.

– The Postal Service is reuniting. If you’re stoked for this, you’re probably a pussy and have never even kissed a girl. When you do, let me know how this band sounds afterwards.

– The Mars Volta broke up. Normally, I’d be stoked for this, but this probably won’t stop Omar from putting out way too many shitty solo records a year. However, less venues for that guy to put out music can’t be bad, am I right?

– Ever hear of Blake Shelton? Me neither, but apparently he’s the “reigining Country Music Association Entertainer of the Year” (which probably equates to a used piece of toilet paper nowadays) and he wrote a song called “Hillbilly Bone.” Sounds like a REAL winner here, right? Well, in a recent interview, this dude stated that he believes that country music has to evolve in order to survive. Okay, you’ve got us there. However, his solution to that is to stop listening to classic country (you know, Johnny Cash, Willie Nelson and all the traditional artists who made country worth a damn to begin with), eloquently labeling that as “grandpa’s music” and labeling anyone who likes that and despises the new stuff as “old farts” and “jackasses.” Hey Shelton, one of these days, it’ll dawn on you that you play radio-disney tunes for retarded inbred adults and not “country.” Then you’ll realize who the real Jackass is.

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