Jordan Canio’s Imperfect and Incomplete Guide to Bonnaroo 2014

As everyone and their mother knows, the Bonnaroo line up was unleashed on the world about a week ago. I didn’t hold my breath for much cause I considered the last few years to have been really disappointing in regards to acts (sorry, even having the ever-badass Tom Petty and the 3rd best Beatle didn’t make me want to go last year), but despite our predictions, the line up actually seems pretty solid this year. Even if some of the bigger acts are wack, a lot of the smaller acts are great! If my money wasn’t being funneled into Austin Psych Fest, I’d consider making the trip to the farm this year. But who knows? Maybe I’ll sneak into for Kanye. Anyways, since a proverbial shit load of people dug my guide to Coachella, I figured I’d continue giving my unhumble and unsolicited advice on Bonnaroo and which bands you should see this year and which bands you should avoid like herpes.

As far as ratings, same rules apply as last time, but if you need a refresher on the rules, here ya go:

Bands in bold = see that shit

Bands in standard font (like this) = I don’t know, so it’s your ass

Bands with a strike through them = avoid like herpes

Bands with a strike and in bold = chuck water bottles full of piss at

Enjoy.

Bonnaroo 2014

Elton John

Kanye West

Jack White

Lionel Richie

Vampire Weekend

The Avett Brothers

Phoenix

Skrillex

Arctic Monkeys

Frank Ocean

The Flaming Lips

Nick Cave & the Bad Seeds

Kaskade

Damon Albarn

Neutral Milk Hotel

Wiz Khalifa

SuperJam with Skrillex & Friends

SuperJam “?”

The Bluegrass Situation Superjam hosted by Ed Helms

Disclosure

Cut Copy

The Head and the Heart

Zedd

Lauryn Hill

Funkiest Dancer

Chromeo

Broken Bells

Tedeschi Trucks Band

James Blake

Bobby Womack

Umphrey’s McGee

Ice Cube

Ben Howard

Slightly Stoopid

Fitz & the Tantrums

Cake

Janelle Monáe

Grouplove

Amos Lee

Chvrches

Cage the Elephant

Die Antwoord

Andrew Bird & the Hands of Glory

Mastodon

Capital Cities

Jake Bugg

Chance the Rapper

Dr. Dog

Yonder Mountain String Band

John Butler Trio

Little Dragon

City and Colour

The Glitch Mob

The Naked and Famous

Taran Killam

Phosphorescent

Drive-By Truckers

Washed Out

Danny Brown

Warpaint

Sam Smith

A$AP Ferg

Darkside

Seasick Steve

Shovels & Rope

Lucero

Carolina Chocolate Drops

The Wood Brothers

The Master Musicians of Jajouka led by Bachir Attar, with special guests Billy Martin, Marc Ribot, DJ Logic and Shazad Ismaily

Pusha T

Meshuggah

Poliça

DakhaBrakha

Goat

ZZ Ward

Seun Kuti

Blackberry Smoke

MS MR

Hannibal Buress

First Aid Kit

Rudimental

A Tribe Called Red

Omar Souleyman

The Bouncing Souls

Greensky Bluegrass

Ty Segall

Sarah Jarosz

Vintage Trouble

Okkervil River

White Denim

Jonathan Wilson

Robert DeLong

Cloud Nothings

Typhoon

Thao & The Get Down Stay Down

Valerie June

King Khan & the Shrines

Cherub

Banks

Break Science

The Black Lillies

Real Estate

The Lone Bellow

Caveman

Big Sam’s Funky Nation

Jon Batiste

La Santa Cecilia

Classixx

Allah-Las

Cass McCombs

Vance Joy

Haerts

J. Roddy Walston & the Business

Those Darlins

Deafheaven

Lake Street Dive

St. Paul & the Broken Bones

The Wild Feathers

The Preatures

Blank Range

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